WWLegal.com :: New Court Jester: The Red Sea Scrolls

New Court Jester: The Red Sea Scrolls
Posted on Friday, March 30, 2007 - 12:05 AM

Archaeologists digging around the Red Sea made one of the most important discoveries of modern times, the discovery of the Red Sea Scrolls. The importance of the Red Sea Scrolls are said to be equal to their more illustrious cousins, The Dead Sea Scrolls. The scrolls. made under seal, containing the following contract of employment.

The Red Sea Scrolls

Whereas the Lord created the world in six days and rested on the seventh day;

And Whereas the Hebrew people have been slaves in the land of Egypt for four hundred years;

And Whereas the Lord has heard the cries and lamentations of the Hebrews;

And Whereas Moses, a shepherd, formerly of the Land of Egypt is prepared to act as the Lord's agent in taking the Hebrews out of bondage.

Now Therefore This Agreement Witnesseth:

1. Moses (hereinafter referred to as "the Agent") shall act as the exclusive agent for the Lord in liberating the Hebrews from bondage and in bringing them to the Promised Land.

2. The Agent will be available for work at all times, including holidays, especially Passover.

3. The Agent shall not engage in any similar or competitive endeavours for any other deity.

4. The Lord shall provide the Agent with all the tools and equipment for the performance of the task, including a walking staff which, when dropped at the feet of unsuspecting Pharaohs, turns into a ferocious serpent.

5. The Lord, when called upon to do so by the Agent, shall bring a series of plagues upon the Egyptians, as set out in Schedule "A".

6. If the Agent is put to the expense of importing frogs, lice or other plagues, the Lord shall indemnify him upon presentation of a statement of account by the Agent.

7. The Lord shall assist the Agent in bringing the Hebrews out of Egypt to safety. In the event that it becomes necessary for the Hebrews to cross the Red Sea or some other body of water, the Lord shall supply them with a sufficient number of boats or build an appropriate bridge, or make such other suitable provisions to make such crossing in safety.

8. The Agent hereby covenants that he will, under no circumstances, divulge to any party any miracle or trade secret acquired by him during the course of his employment. If he does, he shall surely die. This clause represents liquidated damages, and is not to be construed as a penalty.

9. The Agent shall not absent himself from the people provided that the Agent may make such trips up to the top of Mount Sinai for further instructions from the Lord.

10. The Agent may hire Joshua or such other sub-agent as he in his discretion deems necessary to assist him in fulfilling his obligations hereunder.

11. The Agent shall, from time to time, as requested by the Lord, take from him and bring to the people stone tablets bearing the laws of conduct. For the convenience of the Agent, the said tablets shall contain 75% styro-foam.

12. The Lord shall make further communication with the Agent through burning bushes, or through such other manner as he deems appropriate. The Agent may call upon the Lord by looking up to the sky, holding both hands in front of him, and waiting a couple of minutes.

13. The Agent acknowledges that should the events surrounding the departure of the Hebrews from Egypt be recorded, all publication rights of any nature whatsoever shall remain in the Lord.

14. This Agreement shall enure to the benefit of and be binding upon the heirs, executors, administrators of the Agent. The Agent acknowledges that the Lord has no successors.

In Witness Whereof the Agent has signed and the Lord has affixed his seal . . .

The archaeologists did not recover Schedule "A".

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