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The 7 Habits of Highly Useless Corporate Lawyers
Posted on Friday, July 28, 2006 - 12:00 AM

The following list is not original. The list is claimed to be from an unknown and long-dead lawyer in 1836. It is said to have been discovered during the 1980s in the ruins of an old Episcopal church in a northern Virginia town near Washington DC, USA. I know it has nothing to do with Singapore law, but it is fun.

1. Be risk-averse at all times. Clients have come to expect this from their lawyers. It's tradition. Honor it.

2. Tell the client only what it can't do. Business clients are run by business people who take risks. They need to be managed, guided, stopped. Don't encourage them.

3. Whatever you do, don't take a stand, and don't make a recommendation. (You don't want to be wrong, do you?)

4. Treat the client as a potential adversary at all times. Keep a distance.

5. Cover yourself. Write a lot to the client. Craft lots of confirming letters which use clauses like "it is our understanding", "our analysis is limited to..." and "we do not express an opinion as to whether..."

6. Churn up extra fees with extra letters and memoranda and tasks. Milk the engagement. (If you are going to be a weenie anyway, you might as well be a sneaky weenie.)

7. As out-house counsel, you are American royalty. Never forget that.

adapted from http://www.whataboutclients.com/

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